We're performing this for the school in a couple of days, i directed it :3
Batdude: Jenkins! What on earth is taking you so long!? You do know we have a city to save.
Jenkins: I'm sorry sir but your constant nairdowell-thwarting takes a heavy toll on your gadgetry - not the least upon your car. You can either wait the time it takes me to repair it or surely face a fiery explosion moments after you exit your mansion.
Batdude: Please, Jenkins. Don't mention cars and explosions in the same sentence.
You know that's how my parents died - they got in and, well, i'm not too sure what happened but the next thing i knew i was in the hospital being told my parents were both dead. That's why i decided to use the fortune i inherited from them to fight crime as the superhero, BATDUDE!
Jenkins: Yes sir, it seems you mention it at least twice a day. But the fact remains that if you want to have any success at all thwarting villainy, you'll have to wait until i finish repairs.
Batdude: Yes yes, i suppose you're right. But if you would be so kind as to hurry up. The longer we wait here the more powerful villainy becomes!
RobinMan: Batdude, are we about ready to head out? I mean, this could be our last night on the job for a few days. Maybe we'll be lucky enough to get a whole weekend without being signaled by the police? Probably not, but after thwarting the dastardly deeds of three different villains in one week - we're sure to have a short break at least. That's right, it has been a busy week, hasn't it? First we stopped Dr. Chill from freezing the city with his evil freeze ray. That was a cold night in June.
The next day we arrived just in time to stop Poison Oak, that devilish temptress, from using her mastery of seduction to rob a bank, you remember? They gave us that coupon for saving them and everything. Oh and who could forget, the night after that we stopped The Puffin from - well.. actually I wasn't really paying attention to what he was doing. I know it was something evil though, and he explained it to us in full detail right before we stopped him. I don't know, maybe i just drifted off or something in the middle of it. The point is that we stopped him though.
BatDude: I hadn't realized what progress we've been making! Three of my-our biggest arch enemies all taken down in one week?! That's fantastic! I'm assuming they're all behind bars?
RobinMan: Yes, well uhh, no. Sort of. They've all been sent to prison several times, but from some stroke of luck they've all managed to escape each time. You'd think that the Government would take some extra measures to make sure they're locked away, but it doesn't seem like they're planning on it. I'd give it a week before they're all out on the streets again.
BatDude: W-what?! You mean, everything i've ever worked for in my life has been overall meaningless? Every villain i've stopped and put away, every crime i've thwarted - pointless? I'm not the hero i thought i was. I don't deserve to wear this mask.
RobinMan: Oh come on big guy, your works got meaning! Just think about how useless an accountant or a teacher feels! You think anything they ever do will ever matter at all? Nope! They're all just working dead end jobs but you! You and me, we save people! We've saved lives and we will keep doing that until we're dead.
BatDude: Well, I don't think that-
Jenkins: Sir, I believe i've finished your required preparations.
(They hop behind the car and zoom offstage)
Clerk: Next please!
Jester: Why, hello there!
Clerk: You're dressed a bit funny, aren't you? Haha, It's a bit sad that that's not the strangest outfit i've seen while working here, isn't it? What are you supposed to be? Like a clown or something?
Jester: Wanna hear a joke?
Clerk: Sir, I see you don't seem to have any items that we carry, and if you would be so kind, i would ask you to move along as to not hold up the line.
Jester: What do you get when you cross a gun with a clerks head?
Clerk: Oh i think i've heard this one before, give me a second.
Jester: Give up? Hahaha, well, it was a trick question. YOU don't get anything, I however get all that money in this bag. Hahaha, Thanks for being so cooperative buddy.
Clerk: Oh thank god it's BatDude and RobinMan!
RobinMan: Holy shnikeys! BatDude! This villains robbing the place!
BatDude: Not so fast Criminal! Put the gun down and go peacefully. Don't force us to use violence.
Jester: What's this? Another costumed freak?! Why, we're practically brothers! You wouldn't hurt your own brother would you?
RobinMan: Blood is wetter then silk, Naerdowell!
Jester: What exactly are you trying to say?
RobinMan: We may be costume wearing freaks, but we wear our costumes for a purpose! We're nothing like you!
Jester: Don't take another step closer or i'll paint this counter red!
BatDude: Don't! Stop! What do you want?
Jester: Oh, well actually, I'm not really sure what i want. I already have the money. . . LIFE Magazine? Yeah i guess ill take this too. Hahahaha
(Seeing that the Jester is distracted with the effort of deciding what else to take, batdude quickly throws a batdude thrower knife thing knocking the gun out of the jesters hand)
Jester: Ouch! Well, I guess the jigs up! Who wouldve thought it would end this way?! Oh but i do have one more trick up my sleeve.
(he rolls two smoke bombs in the general direction of the clerk, cackling maniacly as he quickly dashes out of the building with his stolen money. after a moment the customers all start laughing uncontrollably)
BatDude: Oh no! It must be Nitrous Oxide! He could asphyxiate in here! Come on RobinMan!
(after helping the clerk out of the still smoking building, RobinMan looks around briefly)
RobinMan: He's long gone, BatDude. I don't think we'll be able to find him tonight.
BatDude: (a brief pause) Well, I suppose we can't always win. What was with him anyway? It seemed almost as if, every thing he said was some sort of double entandra or terrible joke! Was it on purpose? He's obviously quite insane.
RobinMan: I hope we don't run into him again.
BatDude: We're the only thing protecting this city from being completely overrun by madmen like him. If we purposely avoid him, we're not the heroes we claim to be.
RobinMan: You know that's not what i meant. I just, well, I just hope he's done with his criminal career.
BatDude: Do you really believe that's even possible?
RobinMan: No..not really.
BatDude: We still have the rest of the night to thwart villainy! Come RobinMan!
(BatDude, a spring in his step, RobinMan a bit reluctantly, both get in the car and drive away)
(as the lights fade back in, 3 different figures are shown walking on stage. later revealed to be Batdudes arch nemesisis (is that right?) )
(throughout this scene, dr chill is somewhat ignored by his compatriots. most of the talking will be done by either puffin or poision oak.)
Poison Oak: Is it just me, or does it get easier to escape that place every time? I mean, it's been what? 2 days? Hahahah.
Puffin: Yes yes, Anyway, about the Batdude. Lets discuss again how we're going to take care of him.
Dr Chill: Lets freeze him!
Puffin: No, no, no. Thats your solution to everything. If we are ever to succeed, we need a well thought out plan. One that contains many red herrings and ploys that aren't completely coherrent to the ultimate goal of the operation.
Poison oak: And just how do you suppose we do that?
Dr Chill: We freeze him...?
Puffin: Well..(he's paces about, obviously in deep thought) Ah! We could kidnap that little sidekick of his, Birdboy or whatever, and hold him hostage! Batdude will have to do whatever we say! We can get him to take off his mask! I'm not entirely sure what this would accomplish, but the world would know his identity!
Dr Chill: And then we freeze him!!
Poison oak: Of course! Puffin. . . I don't know why i always thought you were a little bird freak, when you think like that - you're kind of cute.
Puffin: That's just fine.
Dr Chill: So it's agreed? We catch the bird boy!
Poison oak: Yes, yes Dr. Chill. Now come along everyone, there's no time to be wasted!
(The villains each scurry off the stage with the enthusiasm of school girls. Moments after they're gone, the batdude car screeches onto the stage. Almost immediately after stopping, RobinBoy leaps from the car)
RobinMan: BatDude! I'm fairly certain i feel evil intentions lingering in the air! Do you think any villains have been here recently?!
BatDude: It's hard to say for certain, but i definitely think that i might feel it too! (They each look around for a moment, expecting for something to jump out)
BatDude: Hmmm..I guess that theres just no --
Disguised Dr. Chill: (Damsel in distress) Help me! Help me! Oh somebody please help!
(BatDude rushes towards the damsel and as RobinMan begins to follow, The Puffin sneaks up behind RobinMan and grabs him, dragging him offstage.)
BatDude: (as Dr. Chill removes the wig) What're you doing?!
Dr. Chill: (sarcastic) I'm not doing anything! I didn't know it was illegal to cross dress!
BatDude: Well it is!
(Puffin signals Dr. Chill, and they both exit from opposite sides of the stage)
BatDude: (returns original point) I just had the strangest run in with one of our arch foes. Did you know that Dr. Chill makes a pretty attractive female?. . . . RobinBoy? RobinBoy, Where are you? Blast it! First i lose the damsel in distress and now i lose my sidekick! This is just not my night at all! I can't do anything right! Stupid, stupid, stupid!
Jester: I saw it all! I know you couldn't see me but i saw you! And i saw them! Hahaha, and i saw what they did to him! And what they are planning to do to you when you come to save him from what they were planning on doing to you and him together once you came to get him! (laughter).
Jester: He took him! It grabbed him from behind and dragged him off, like a choked octopus, grabbed and eaten alive by a sea lion! Or something of that sort. Hahaha.
BatDude: What are you saying, criminal? Who took who? Did they take my partner? Who's they? Answer me!
Jester: The angry bird-man! It grabbed him!
BatDude: Why would you tell me this?
Jester: Why would i keep it from you? Why wouldn't i tell you? You know. Buddy. I've heard that most perfectly fine relationships are sabotaged by the net of lies that they're built on. See. I want us to be, you know, as healthy a couple as can be. If i start lying now, than the whole basis of our hero/villain relationship will be built on those lies.. . Do you ever watch Opra?
BatDude: What? No I don't watch Opra! None of that made sense! Do you know where they took my friend?
Jester: That way? That way. Maybe that way. Definitely that way. I'm positive it was this way. Yes. That way. Haha.
BatDude: (begins to leave, but then turns back) Though you are a criminal, you have helped me in my time of need. And for this i owe you. I shall never forget what you have done for me this day.
Poison Oak: Since we've finally come to the conclusion that the three of us aren't enough to bring down the BatDude, these are the villain auditions for our fourth member!
(Shelly and Chuck enter the stage. Very happy - just married couple)
Shelly: Hi, good evening! I'm shelly
Chuck: And i'm Chuck!
Shelly: We really think we have a lot to offer to the villian society
Chuck: We're very dedicated workers.
shelly: And we're willing to start at the bottom and (hopefully!) work our way to the top.
Dr Chill: Well.. have you had any prior evil experiences?
(They pause for a second, huddle together, and whisper back and forth)
Shelly: We were playing with nerf guns, with out neighbors.
Chuck: And at one point we had each gotten shot
Chuck&Shelly: We didn't go out! (laughter)
Dr chill: Fantastic, you made the cut!
Shelly & Chuck: Reallyyy??
Dr chill: (loud) No now leave! Next!
Q: Hello all, I am . . . Q, The Questionairre.
Poison Oak: Any evil experiences?
Q: I have these, uh, quizzes, haha, you see. (holds up papers, hands them out) I give them to the guards of banks. While they're busy filling them out - expecting to learn something about themselves. I run in, and steal the money! And i'm really trying to establish leaving questionairres at the scene of the crime as my 'thing'. Is my method not ingenius?!
Dr. Chill: What? "Find out what your season is?"
Q: That's right!
Dr. Chill: (intrigued) Why would i want to? (he begins to fill out the test)
Puffin: I'm sorry Questionairre, but I'm afraid that our spot has just filled up.
Q: Oh.. Well that's a drag. I'm really just trying to make a living here. Well, if it opens up could you please let me know?
Puffin: Of course, of course! Next!
(Questionairre exits. Jester enters)
Poison Oak: (exasperated) Oh god..
(Jester moves to center of the stage. Silence. As soon as someone starts to speak, he starts too.)
Poison Oak: Well are yo--
Jester: I was going to- . . .
Puffin: To make a good -
Jester: About half past sev- . . .
Dr. Chill: (Angry) If you're going to say something, say it!
Jester: (amused) Calm down, Ice cube. Haha, well, I don't know what to say. Where to start, where to start? I am the Jester. As you can see, I do enjoy make up. I've limited myself to one shower a month because it's so tough putting on and taking off my make up. But i wear plenty of deodorant so you shouldn't worry about hygeine. Sadly, i'm probably the cleanest clown i know. Anyway, anyway, I'm rambling. To the point, i'd like to lead your fine organization.
Dr. Chill: Outrageous!
Jester: Mam, could you please put your dog on a leash?
(Dr. Chill sits back down and resumes his quiz)
Poison Oak: Hold on, hold on now. He's straightforward. He's got guts. I like him.
Puffin: You 'like' everything that can walk! If it were up to you, our dastardly trio would be full with thousands of auditionees.
Poison Oak: It's not my fault i'm a social person.. Now, pleaase Puffin?
Puffin:(flustered) Err, yes, yes of course. The Jester will be admitted on a trial basis.
Jester: Thanks guys. I won't let the team down!
(An awkward beat)
Dr. Chill: There! I've finished! . . . I'm a summer! I'm vibrant and full of life! My peers enjoy being around me - and i spread joy to all lives i touch. Red and yellow are my colors, and they represent the vibrant energy I bring to every challenge life throws at me.
Poison Oak: Really? I always thought you were more of a fall.
(blackout: brings a table on stage.)
Jester: So i was thinking, about taking down the Dude.
Dr. Chill: (overlapping) We freeze him!
The Puffin: (overlapping) No! I told you before! Our plan needs to contain all sorts of red herrings. Here, look at this diagram I drew up. See
Poison Oak: (overlapping) We could throw sticks at him. I like the use of sticks because they come from trees. Oak trees, to be precise. Sticks and stones may break your bones. . . but.. Well kill the Dude!
Dr. Chill: (overlapping) I'm telling you, we freeze him. Just, boom, see? And done! Freeze, freeze, freeze, melt, FREEZE!
Jester: (holds button in the air, makes sure everyone sees him click it.) Dr. Chill, I'm afraid that your mother has just passed on. (laughter) Now that I have your attention, I'd like to point out that I have bombs strapped to each of your mothers. Well, except yours Dr. Chill. Now everyone i have an amazing plan that could just possibly blow your brains. . Literally
Poison Oak: What could it be? Does it have anything to do with trees?. . . preferably oak?
Jester: Would you shut your mouth - before your dear mother blows up. Now the plan is we FREEZE him I have this cryogenic lab and..
Poison Oak:(flirting with jester) I absolutely love that plan! Please don't kill my mom!
Dr chill: (overlapping) What?! I have been saying that for 23 years now, and you just decide to listen to him - and not me what is wrong with you people
Puffin: We're Evil! Just shut up and let the genuis speak!
Jester: So - since I don't really want to step on any toes here, lets just go with plan b, and make him choose between some innocent civilian and his stupid minibat.
Puffin: Even more brilliant then the last plan!
Poison Oak: This plan couldn't possibly backfire and go horribly wrong! Please dont kill my mom!
Dr. Chill: No, no! I really don't mind you're first plan! We should totally go with that one! Lets just freeze him!
Jester: Lets make everyone happy, Dr. Chill, once we've just about won, we'll let you freeze him.
Dr. Chill: I love this guy!
(RobinMan and Jenkins are captives, bait in the villains traps. Jenkins is currently unconscious)
RobinMan: Don't come BatDude! It's a bad idea! It's just a trap! A blantant, completely obvious trap! That any naerdowell could of thought up!
Jenkins: (awakening) Where am I? The last thing i knew i was picking up your - uh, my, groceries. How serendipidous that i'd end up in the middle of this plot! Please BatDude, come save me!
RobinMan: No, didn't you just hear me? Its a trap? Do you not see the rotweilers? The lazer trip wire system? The people hiding behind the lazer system?!
Puffin: Why'd you ruin it?! Do you know how long i spent thinking up this plan?
Poison Oak: Actually, i think it was the Jester that thought it up. (please don't kill my mom)
Puffin: Well I thought up hiding behind here!
BatDude: I sense villainy afoot!
RobinMan: Holy guacamole BatDude! I thought i warned you to stay away!
BatDude: Did you? I heard someone shouting earlier, but it sounded more like 'Save me, Save me' to me.
Jenkins: That was me!
BatDude: Ah! . . . Well, if it was a trap, why would you ask me to -
Jester: We've got you!
BatDude: Jester! And, all this time i thought you'd be a friend!
Jester: I'm afraid the Jester plays both ways, Dude!
BatDude: A double entandra! My one weakness!
(RobinMan breaks free, and goes to the rescue of his friend)
RobinMan: Don't worry Dude, we can beat them. If we work together!
(Fight scene, with many Schwoomm's, Pow's, and Wack's)
Reporter: Good Evening Gotchem! This is Bruce Vayne and i'm reporting live from the Old Abandoned Oil Refinery. I'm being told that apparently, RobinBoy and an unidentified civilian have been captured by the self proclaimed Anti Justice league. BatDude is currently fighting for their (and his!) lives. We're just moments away from witnessing the climax of this incredible battle! . . . Oh no! It appears that RobinBoy has just been frozen! Oh, Oh man! They've strapped BatDude to a table, and are preceding to use the giant lazer to cut him in half! This is awful! Simply horrible! Any viewer that misses this incredible fight for justice, will surely hit himself for the rest of his life.
What's this? BatDude's broken free! Ouch! He just cracked Dr. Chill over the head with a tough elbow! My god! This is gruesome! Poison Ivy's been knocked out by RobinMan! The Jester seems to have disappeared! Most likely he's run off! It's just the Puffin versus the two heroes! Ouch! I don't even know how to describe that! The heroes are victorious! This is a fantastic day for justice. I'm just happy to have brought this to you live. Once again, this is Bruce Vayne signing off. Back to you Claurisse!
ANNOUNCER: BACK AT THE DUDE CAVE...
BatDude: (to the audience) And so I return to another ordinary day, in my extraordinary life. Some may be jealous of me for the life i lead, but it is full of perils and danger. The one point I can always remain proud of is that i protect the ordinary and innocent. I never kill anyone. I am a hero, and killing is a tool of the villain. If i were ever to cause the death to anyone, even the worst villain to walk the planet, I would just -
RobinMan: You know, I just heard the darnest thing. You know those villains we took care of last night?
BatDude: But of course!
RobinMan: Well it seems that they were just killed in a plane crash.
RobinMan: Yeah! The Sheriff just informed me. It seems that on their way to that brand new - high security prison, their plane just went down suddenly. There were no survivors. All three villains were killed.
BatDude: That can't be!
RobinMan: And you know what else?! Every single one of them had their faces painted like clowns...
ANNOUNCER: TO BE CONTINUED, NEXT TIME, ON BATDUDE AND ROBIN!
My dog - for 10 years - he was a year older then me, died last night.
I woke up at 5:30 am two people standing in my room, dressed in heavy coats and jackets. They told me he couldn't move and he was in trouble. They were about to take him to the hospital. I noticed it was raining. They didn't think he'd make it.
I went and spent my last moments with him, he was laying on several blankets in the middle of our common room. When i sat down next to him, he didn't notice. He just kept staring on ahead. I was worried he might of already died, but he was still breathing. After several minutes they told me it was time to take him - in case there was something they could do.
I already knew he was dead before they left.
But the strange part is, last night, along with a series of several other really strange dreams (at least two involving something dieing), i dreamt about my dog. I was standing in the common room with him, and he was obviously having a really hard time walking. Eventually he collapsed, i went to see if he was alright, but my mom in the other room (she could see both of us) started calling him. He struggled for a minute before getting up and pushing on towards her. I don't know what happened next because i woke up.
What are the chances I dream of my dog dieing the night it happens?
In an ever joyous town filled with oh so many happy people
lived a tired man named Tick. Now Tick, was a raving lunatic,
however he was not always so. Once, he lived an ever so happy
life with his sister Lock, and his brother Tock, his mother Tempis,
and his father Clock - all quite the happy people.
They passed the days quite happily, their individual merriments
each caused by their individual actions. Until one day, Sister Lock
took a look at Brother Tick and Brother Tock. They both knew
just what they were doing, they had a thing that clicked.
Sister Lock looked at her Mother Tempus and her Father Clock,
set for life, they knew where they would always be. All across town the
happy citizens did happy jobs. The lived in happy houses with happy
lives. Lock, without luck, tried hard to find a talent. With the thimble
her mother was quite nimble. Mother Tempus sewed each family outfit
herself. Sister Lock, without luck, tried to sew with her mother. She was
not nimble with the thimble, and ended the day with several pricks in each of
her fingers. Brother Tock liked to cook a lot. Sufle and Flambe, a nice
fried fish dish, Tock could cook it. Lock cringed as she singed her fingers
repeatedly, unable to match the finess her brother posessed. "She just
can't cook." thought Tock. Brother Tick and Father Clock spent the time
counting time. Lock joined in, once again. She couldn't find the point,
hour to hour, day to day, counting until the sun went away. Her counting grew sloppy
her timing choppy. Brother Tick and Father Clock, Mother Tempus and Brother Tock
got more angered by her continuous flops. Tempers flaring, Lock scaring,
ran quickly away from her happy home. To the darkest dock ran Little Lock. Lock sat
on the dark dock, unable to find a talent she possessed. She couldn't think of one
thing she could do right, and so decided she must take flight. At the edge
of the dock, sorrow on her mind, stood Little Lock. One Leap she took and one moment
it took and one little girl was taken from our world.
Brother Tick and Brother Tock, Mother Tempus and Father Clock looked all over the
happy town for Sister Lock. Unsuccessful, their efforts were, and to their house
they did return. They did not know that she was gone. Gone forever, gone gone gone.
Father Clock and Brother Tick couldn't hear the time go tick. Thoughts of Lock and
that utter shock, made sure that Tick and Clock would surely not count.
Brother Tock could not focus. His Flambes and Sufles were all just bogus. His fried fish dish
reminded him of Sister Lock and her constant flops.
Mother Tempus could not sew. Her loving daughter, gone forever.
The family lost all reason and sense. Without Lock, they had no innocence. They
fell apart, heartbroken and sad. A sad, broken family in a happy, happy town.
My adoring fans, i hope you understand.
I will be unable to access the internet until the seventeenth.
No! Please don't cry! This hurts me more then it hurts you! We will be together again eventually. All you have until then is my picture.
Unless your to much of a faggot too own my picture.
Then you'll have nothing to remember me by
Todays my birthday. Pure awesomeness correct??
Unfortunately, i didn't get a guitar so i'll have to actually use my own money as originally planned.
EDIT: In fact. I didn't get a damned thing from anyone in my family. >:(
Im not gay Dools, sorry.
I still love you though. :3